Intrusion

A Saturday night of the most peculiar sort recently occurred as an Intruder entered my bedroom with his dark covering and quick maneuvers.  Screaming, I nearly dropped the phone while conversing with a Californian friend. He scurried across the top of my ceiling and then jumped onto my bed!

How grotesque he looked as he came towards me with his little antennae and eight legs. He jumped onto my floor, while I stood on top of a chair holding a black cowboy boot and a dustpan. I made several attempts to smash him with my dustpan. Alas, he made it safely underneath my dresser without a single hit. 

Standing on top of my chair

I hate! Nay, I LOATHE cockroaches. Nothing makes me shudder or so quickly nauseated as these little vermin do. And this Intruder was the largest I have ever encountered [at least three inches long]!

While standing on my chair, I shook the dresser. I kicked it. I even tried to bribe the little devil with a morsel of toast [with honey]. I hoped it would come out and lay there allowing me to kill it so I may merrily go to bed shortly after changing the sheets that were violated by his mere presence.

I watched. I waited. I stood on top of this chair for more than one hour [but less than three]! I tweeted multiple times and even called my brother – hoping for someone to rescue a damsel in distress. Apparently everyone was sleeping.

There was one knight who came to attempt my freedom. Sir Gathings came with a flashlight and a flyswatter. He moved back the dresser, but found no cockroach. This was very disheartening to me as I had spent a great deal of time staring at the dresser waiting for it to come out. We even checked a number of places around the house, but to no avail.

Patrick to the rescue

He left and I scratched my head in confusion. Still nauseated and missing a half-night’s sleep at this point, I wondered how I would overcome the paranoia and go to bed. Since every little tickle or brush of something across my foot made me jump, sleep seemed like an impossible feat.

Two days have passed. I have not forgotten about this Intruder and have been a wee bit frustrated that we couldn’t find him.

That was… until about an hour ago when I stepped into the shower and screamed, jumping out just as quickly. Lo! I fouuuuund him! He was on his back – right in the center of my bathtub. Seeing him unable to flip over because of the water, I giggled. I had waited for this moment for two whole days! I turned the water off and on, smiling all the time. Finally I watched as he went alllll the way down the drain to meet his death. Ah, the satisfaction that came with watching him squirm and then disappear!

It was well worth the wait to see this Intruder meet his fate!